Jeff Bezos is deliberately displaying his feelings more frequently.
Jeff Bezos is deliberately displaying his feelings more frequently.
There's a constant pressure on leaders to show the "appropriate" emotions. They're expected to display confidence, optimism, and excitement. That's why the recent discussion with Jeff Bezos was refreshing. A journalist questioned Bezos if he felt the need to always present confidence at work. In response, Bezos delved into a reflection on the importance of showing various emotions, including "negative" ones like sadness, fear, and anxiety.
"Especially with my own family and my close relationships...I realized, like, I’m not really interacting with them if I’m not sharing when I’m sad, or sharing when I’m scared, or these kinds of things,” Bezos explained. “And so I started working on that with them and found it very meaningful. I could significantly deepen those relationships. Then, I realized those were valid emotions at work too.” Bezos' realization is something we can all learn from (and apply).
Emotional Honesty Strengthens Bonds & Empathy
What Bezos highlights is that honesty about emotions is a crucial component of trust. To build genuine trust, to build genuine intimacy, you have to be willing to be honest about your emotions. As poet and philosopher David Whyte writes in Consolations II, “Intimacy is heightened by our vulnerability.” Because of this, people are naturally drawn to those who are honest about their emotions. This honesty sparks closeness and connection.
It's strange, then, that while we are drawn to those who are honest, we tend to fear being honest with others. Psychologist Brené Brown refers to this as the "vulnerability paradox," the idea that vulnerability is "the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I want you to see in me.”
So why do we struggle with being honest? First, workplace norms often label honesty as taboo, associating it with labels like “weak,” “oversharing,” and “touchy-feely.” Secondly, being honest is anxiety-inducing.
These seem like two different reasons we avoid honesty, but they actually point to the same problem: Fear of revealing ourselves and being rejected. Whyte writes about this, saying that fear of being honest is “a defense against true intimacy, true friendship, and true engagement.”
Bezos Tunes into His Emotions for Proactive Work Performance
In the same discussion, Bezos also shared how he's been paying more attention to his emotions. He finds that this increased emotional awareness enables him to be more effective in his work. “All of your emotions are sort of an early warning system,” he pointed out. “You know, if you’re stressed, for me, that’s a kind of an early radar that is detecting that there’s something I’m not dealing with. It’s an important indicator.”
By treating his emotions as warnings, Bezos is able to use them in a more constructive way. “It turns out if you’re channeling all of your negative emotions into frustration or anger or something like that, you’re not being very precise,” he explained. “It’s much better now. Like, I’ll have a meeting and listen for a while, and when it’s my turn to talk, I’ll say I’m stressed. And that’s more effective.”
Rather than display a steady stream of confidence regardless of the situation, Bezos adjusts his treatment of his emotions to match the situation. In the example just shared, he openly shares his stress, letting those around him know the gravity of the situation and showing them that they're not alone in their stress.
As psychologist Adam Grant writes, “Emotion regulation is not about ignoring or suppressing feelings. It’s about reflecting before reacting. Emotions are signals that help us understand our values and interests. They should guide our decisions, not dictate them.”
The Path to Engaging with Your Emotions at Work? Emotional Awareness
Both of Bezos' commitments—to be more honest about his emotions as a leader and to pay more attention to his emotions—are about emotional awareness (EA). EA can be defined as your ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions to be more effective in your work and in your relationships. Importantly, EA is a skillset that can be developed with practice. Like a muscle, the more you train it, the stronger and more flexible it becomes.
You can view Bezos' comments as a starting point for your own emotional awareness growth. Practice identifying your emotions in a thoughtful way (consider them signals that can guide your actions), and consider situations where you can be more honest and open—both at home and at work.
Kevin Kruse is the Founder + CEO of LEADx, an emotional awareness training company. Kevin is also a New York Times bestselling author. His latest book is Emotional Awareness: 52 Strategies to Understand Your Emotions, Build Strong Relationships, and Achieve Your Goals.
In line with his commitment to emotional honesty, Bezos suggests that being open about negative emotions like sadness and fear at work can deepen relationships and foster intimacy, as poet and philosopher David Whyte asserts. This highlights the importance of leadership careers that prioritize emotional awareness and vulnerability.
Furthermore, Bezos emphasizes the role of emotional awareness in proactive work performance, stating that recognizing and managing emotions can serve as an early warning system and enhance effectiveness in communication. By acknowledging and channeling emotions appropriately, leaders can create a more open and inclusive work environment, thereby fostering better team dynamic and collaborative careers.