When is it appropriate to call it off or end an endeavor?
In his latest book, "On Giving Up," British psychoanalyst Adam Phillips delves into the complexities of relinquishment as a key element of personal growth and self-discovery. In an interview with Steve Paulson for the radio show "To The Best Of Our Knowledge," Phillips discusses his thought-provoking ideas[1].
Phillips posits that giving up is not merely surrender or failure, but a necessary process that can lead to a more vibrant life. He explores the paradoxical nature of resistance and surrender, suggesting that letting go can be a powerful, creative force rather than merely a sign of defeat[1][4].
The book draws on a rich tapestry of literature, philosophy, and psychology, including works by Kafka and Freud. Phillips reinterprets Freud's death instinct as the "giving up instinct," arguing that it is an essential part of human nature[1].
Phillips contends that our relationship with desire and pleasure reveals much about our willingness to engage with life. He suggests that we can be as fearful of pleasure as we are of suffering, and that giving up can provide a means to overcome these fears[1].
The book also delves into the concept of "wide attention," introduced by Marion Milner, which refers to a state of openness to stimuli without knowing what one is looking for. Phillips argues that this practice can help reduce anxiety and open up new possibilities[1].
Phillips asserts that giving up one's certainties and embracing the unknown is crucial for personal growth. He encourages readers to let go of routines and fixed ideas that shape their lives, advocating for a more authentic, less defensive way of engaging with the world[1].
In summary, Phillips' "On Giving Up" offers a fresh perspective on relinquishment, viewing it as a profound, reflective process that helps individuals uncover deeper truths about themselves and engage with life in a more authentic, less defensive way. This insightful book is a must-read for anyone seeking to understand the complexities of human nature and the role of giving up in personal growth and self-discovery.
[1] Paulson, Steve. (2025). Adam Phillips on Giving Up. To The Best Of Our Knowledge. [radio broadcast] [4] Phillips, Adam. (2025). On Giving Up. Penguin Books.
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